Gods Gift to Women

Why Greg is Gods gift to women

Written by women. (no really, Marija Boskovski wrote all this)

“Greg was the mortal tool that God specifically selected to aid the tender, delicate hearts of all women on earth. The young and old, the beautiful and ugly…Greg’s presence comforted all in need and pain. Greg had the skill and ability to reach a woman’s heart and eliminate all her worries and sadness. He was super talented in his service to women, which were prominent in all areas of a woman’s needs. He could fill emotional voids, mend broken hearts and greatly satisfy any physiological urge, internal drive or physical need that a woman desired. The following are factual statements that stand true in account of all laws and universal truths in regard to Greg’s eternal contribution to the female specimens of our human kind.” Greg stands unchallenged in his position as God’s gift to women because:

10) He has a lot of time on his hands; therefore, he uses his skilled hands wisely to attend to any physical need that a woman may have. He is NOT a timewaster; it is the women that waste his time extensively because they can’t get enough of his sensual touch and warm embrace. Due to exceptionally high demands that desperately seek the power of Greg’s hands, it is most necessary that an appointment be made six months prior to your need of Greg’s gentle soothing hands.

9) As a prominent psychologist, Greg has the ability to reach into your deepest, darkest most secretive psychological thoughts and suppressed memories. He can unravel any mysteries that trouble a woman’s mind and give appropriate advice and treatment to cure any cognitive dissonance experienced. Greg administers the techniques of ‘Touch’ and ‘Talk’ therapy, which have been extremely successful in fulfilling women’s most inner needs. If you are an out patient, you will find that Greg continues to administer natural remedies such as flowers, pretty gifts and candle lit dinners to all his patients. Greg does not discriminate.

8) Greg is a tough, hard core man built of muscle and chunky human meat particles. He is raw and untamed, ready to exert himself on any situation which may see a woman in danger. His courage, manly strength and bravery are yet to be matched; however, this is very unlikely as Greg was specifically endowed well by God to be the one and only, rarest piece of man meat that can be squeezed to death by the female kind.

7) As a consolidation tool, Greg transforms himself into a cuddly little teddy bear for all women to hug and hold. They can spill their sorrows, shed they’re tears and punch him out repeatedly if they feel angered or hurting. He doesn’t mind…he’s a hugger-bugger that loves to be touched and hurt by others as this often saves him from doing it upon himself. Yes, Greg has needs too…

6) Greg also has the ability to extract woman from the constraints of the physical world and emancipate them from life’s hardships by teaching them how to fly. He does this with special equipment better known to the real world as a ‘motorcycle’. Long rides on breezy nights are what Greg aims to give to a woman, so that she too can experience the sensation of being ‘one with the wind’. This unblocks subconscious insecurities and allows women to set their minds free by throwing caution to the wind.

5) Greg will also accompany you in all your weird and unusual ventures that may be seen unconventional and irrational to the human world. He likes to play dress parties and be a woman’s rag doll by dressing up in whatever costume she desires to see him in. This eliminates any physical insecurities a woman might have about her body and satisfies her vivid imagination to wear whatever odd or usual dress code she may find appealing.

4) Greg’s extensive worldly and anatomical knowledge of all species walking on this lonely planet makes him a valuable source to children’s dictionaries and encyclopaedias. He’s especially useful in teaching women about the weird and icky stuff that goes on in their bodies, especially during critical stages of maturation and physical development. Men often refer to his anatomical descriptions and biblical rules for the safe use of bodily functions, in their futile attempt to comprehend make sense of this puzzle called ‘women’.

3) Greg is also a secret spy agent; so women find him exceptional handy when they need to do some intensive undercover investigating to catch their sleazy, lazy ass, despicable cheating husbands. Greg understands this and asserts himself with a very serious attitude that motivates him to apply his full time attention to the woman’s relationship issues at hand. Greg’s high moral codes and religious values fuel his will to maintain justice and harmony and reveal the sources of scum that choose to dirty their hands in sin. Adultery, like all other sins, is something Greg will not tolerate.

2) Greg’s ability to receive input in one ear and not regurgitate it instantaneously through the other, separates him from most ignorant, self absorbed and arrogant assholes. Women have recognised this and often rely on him to spill all their emotional baggage and actually receive valuable feedback that is not non-sensual or ending in “Huh”. I’m sorry men, we speak in words, not phonemes.

1) Since Greg is a specimen of unsurpassed immaculate perfection, it is most significant to note that women’s most profound use of him relates solely to what physical qualities he has to offer. Unfortunately, women on earth suffer most astonishingly from the lack of physical satisfaction that their inexperienced and unskilled men have to offer. Greg must therefore dedicate most of his time to teaching these credulous, callous children how to develop a conscience, become competent players and attend to their woman’s needs with the intention to satisfy not merely their own drives, but also their partners sexual drives and urges. With valid degrees in “Sexology” and “Sex Therapy”, Greg possesses all the relevant tools and attributes needed to take a woman on a trip to Euphoria and eliminate her obsessive/ compulsive habit of taking ecstasy when she is incapable of achieving a pleasurable and satisfying conscious experience.